How The Flaw of Attraction Nearly Killed My Friend and How to REALLY Get What You Want

Screen Shot 2013-08-05 at 11.17.11 PM-w800-h600 Fuck the Law of Attraction… Well, sort of.

I’m a firm believer that you get what you focus on.

I’ve seen plenty of proof in my own life, attracting both situations and things I wanted, as well as ones I didn’t want, largely through the power of thought. But rarely completely by the power of thought.

I also believe that…

The Law of Attraction—popularized by the movie “The Secret”—has caused a great deal of people to dogmatically expect something for nothing.

I’ll use the example of an old friend of mine we’ll call Dane back from my days as a personal trainer. Dane was smart, fit, good looking, charismatic, and well liked.

Back in 2003 Dane had fell on some hard times and was struggling with a “doom and gloom, everything sucks, and why does this shit always happen to me?” mindset. So I turned him onto the book “Excuse Me Your Life Is Waiting” by Lynn Grabhorn. The book had helped me and I felt it might help him as well.

This was a few years before the movie “The Secret” (which came out in 2006)—but the book was basically about the same kinda thing. Think good thoughts about what you want as if it’s already yours, and feel good feel while you think the thoughts.

Dane was hooked. He called me up “Chris, duuuuuuuuuude, I love love love this fucking book, do you have anything else like this you can turn me onto? This is exactly what I’ve been needing man”

I told him to check out the teachings of Abraham Hicks. But I warned him “It’s pretty ‘out there’ stuff man. Supposedly it’s channeled; I have no idea about that. I suspect the woman doing the channeling—Esther Hicks—may just be on a lot of peyote, or possibly dropped one too many hits of acid back in the day… or both. But either way the message is tight if you can get past the strange delivery. I actually think it’s where Lynn learned this stuff from before she wrote ‘Excuse Me Your Life Is Waiting.’ Don’t say I didn’t warn ya.”

Dane consumed the Abraham stuff like a man dying of thirst would consume a nice cold bottle of fruit-punch flavored Gatorade.

D9E40E38-11E1-4586-8C0F-1E351FB69E1F-w800-h600From there, he jumped head first into every “Law of Attraction” and “Prosperity Mindset” book, seminar, and audio course he could get his hands on. We even went to an Abraham Hicks event together. I wanted to ask Esther about the peyote, but didn’t get a chance to.

By the time “The Secret” came out in ’06 Dane was so into all this stuff he was spending 4 hours a day meditating, visualizing, and projecting himself into the feel-good virtual reality of everything he wanted in life coming true. Only breaking to get up and go pee once in a while.

One of his main goals was to make billions of dollars while only working a few hours a day. He imagined owing giant buildings all over the world filled with thousands of employees working away to make his dreams come true.

Dane was certain he was already half-way to this new awesome reality of getting uber-rich by just thinking about it.

“Fuck making millions, I’m making Billions. And it feels so good knowing it’s all on it’s way to me right now, even as we speak”

Huh.

I highly doubted that Dane—who was a struggling personal trainer and making just $15 an hour working for a corporate gym—was even gonna make a few hundred thousand a year, since I knew he had a hard time even just getting new clients to train with him. I knew there was nooo wayyy he was gonna make anything even remotely close to billions. Not unless Bill Gates accidentally ran him over with his car.

He had no idea how he was gonna do it or what kind of business he was gonna own, just that he was gonna do it and the Law of Attraction would work out all the details.

He talked so excitedly about it, and seemed so certain of everything, that I didn’t think it would be cool to burst his bubble. And I wanted to be a supportive friend.

I did ask him what he was gonna do to make his dream of big business and even bigger wealth become a reality. He told me “Man all I’m gonna do is think about it and feel good knowing that it’s on its way, let the Law of Attraction do its work, and it’s gonna happen. It has to happen. It is law.”

Mmmmm.

I mentioned that he may wanna get to work towards the direction of his goals, since as far as I’m aware most self-made billionaires bust their asses to get where they are. But I left it at that.

1C2F263E-937C-41B7-B109-4999654DFCA1-w800-h600“No worries man, the Law of Attraction is gonna take care of everything. As long as I’m in the vibrational frequency of it, I couldn’t even stop it from coming true if I wanted to. Work has nothing to do with it. People don’t realize that. They think you have to work for everything. But you only have to work for something if you believe you have to work for it. I choose not to take on that silly belief. ” He then reminded me once again, that it is law.

He did mention that he needed to fine tune his vibration a little. He said he needed to raise it a little so could be in a better “feeling place” about the gap between where he he was and getting everything he wanted. But he made no mention of work, and any time I hinted at it, he’d immediately kibosh the possibility that work has anything do with success.

I couldn’t help but think that if he would just fill that gap taking action helping people, he’d have the best shot of closing it a little.

Then one day I get a call from Dane. He didn’t sound like his regular cheery and optimistic self. He actually sounded pretty bummed out.

B49A39E1-96A6-44D0-A323-08CCB99F1F95-w800-h600“Chris, man, I’ve been doing this Law of Attraction shit for years. I fucking live and a breathe it, man! I don’t know anyone who does it with as much commitment as I do. I spend all my waking hours trying to think good thoughts and feel good feelings, and my life sucks. Not only has nothing come true, and my life not gotten any better, it’s gotten worse. I’m alone, broke, and feel I’ve completely wasted the last 4 years of my life. In fact, I’m thinking of taking myself out man, just ending it. Everything I’ve dedicated myself to is nothing but a bunch of bullshit. I feel like such a sucker.”

I didn’t know what to say. I told him he should probably consult a professional.

Fortunately, Dane didn’t end up taking his life. Last I heard, he moved away to another state to live with his father.

But then a few months ago I saw him in line at the grocery store up the street from where I live. I didn’t go up to him; in fact I avoided making eye contact, hoping he wouldn’t recognize my big 6’6″ ass. I was hungry and just wanted to get home and eat something. I wasn’t in the mood to catch up.

While Dane’s story is a pretty extreme example, he certainty isn’t alone.

When the DVD “The Secret” made its way to Oprah, the world was awash with people thinking about the life they wanted, feeling all warm and fuzzy about it, and expecting their dream life to come knocking at their door, along with their dead grandpa holding the exact bike they wanted when they were 8 years old.

Suddenly words like “manifest” and “attract” replaced words like “work” and “hustle.” “Raising your vibrational frequency” was in, and blood, sweat, and tears were out.

And I gotta admit, it sounded pretty attractive. Instead of working your ass off to make your dreams come true, you could now just think and feel positively about it, and it was yours. Instead of chasing after it, it would actually come to you.

Fair disclosure here—I was a big fan of the teachings and actually used to hand out DVDs of “The Secret” to my personal training clients. And many of them benefited greatly from it.

Ever since 2000 when I kicked my opioid addiction, I had amassed quite the library of books on self-help, psychology, philosophy, and spirituality. And the stuff helped me a lot.

I read a great deal of it. But even the ones I didn’t read seemed to help me by just sitting there on my shelf—they probably didn’t do shit, but since I believed they were helping me by the mere fact that I possessed them (and belief being a powerful thing) it probably did some kinda good.

5DBE7292-ACE8-4A5E-A7C3-37B46A791EED Plus, what had once been shelves full of bongs, Slayer CDs, and Encyclopedias of Serial Killers, was now a bunch a positive books, and that alone made me feel good.

I even interviewed 3 people from “The Secret” and got to know John Assaraf through joining one of his coaching programs… cool guy.

I reaped some pretty cool benefits from it all. For one, I felt better.

And secondly, all the stuff in the cute little pictures I put on my vision board—big house next to a trail in the woods, expensive car, Harley Davidson, ripped body and so on—all came true. All of it.

I didn’t really enjoy having it as much as I thought I would though, and in an act of self-destructive defiance against my new life, I threw it all away as quickly as I had attained it.

And while visualizing cool shit and vibing with it in a positive way definitely helped me to create the life I wanted—before I tossed it away that is. I noticed that, like Dane, a lot of people who were into all the Law of Attraction stuff weren’t getting any results with it… with the exception of occasional coincidental phone call or chance meeting or something—nothing major league.

72EC5A85-E077-4F48-B994-C89E80EE3879-w800-h600They weren’t getting the perfect parking spots everywhere they went, their ideal mate wasn’t appearing out of thin air, their dream business wasn’t falling in their lap, and Grandpa wasn’t showing up on their doorstep with a brand new tricked-out Schwinn Predator.

Most didn’t give it the 3 or 4 years Dane had. As soon as they realized their lives weren’t changing, it was only a matter of weeks or months before they were no longer sitting around thinking and feeling good about things and expecting miracles to come true.

Here’s what I think the problem is, as well as…

… How To Make the Not-So-Secret “Flaw of Attraction” Actually Work for You

A lot of people who got into the Law of Attraction stuff simply expected something for nothing. Well nothing besides thinking and feeling.

And while having a clear vision of what you want and feeling optimistic about at a gut level is a big key to achieving great things, it’s not enough. It may get you a good parking spot once in a while… but in most cases, it’s not enough to create a dream life filled with purpose and meaning… and it probably won’t get ya a big house with a couple of sports cars in the driveway.

Thinking and feeling positive is all fine and dandy; in fact I’m all for it and do it as often as possible. Visualization is part of my daily ritual.

But it doesn’t do much without…

1. Taking action… ideally a lot of it, and ideally bold action.

2. Helping others or adding value to the world in some way.

And it’s really the one-two combo of these where the real power is:

AB6BF88D-005F-467A-95D5-723EE0C09815-w800-h600Taking action helping people. Or taking action adding value to the world.

Now if your dream is just getting six-pack abs or something, then taking just action without helping people is obviously plenty. But if it’s a “dream life” kinda thing, in my experience helping people is a pretty damn big part of the equation. Plus, it just makes you so much fucking happier.

And yeah, a clear vision of what you want and a positive attitude are huge. I by no means wanna discount the power of it. Focusing on what you want helps your mind seek out and find the things, situations, people and actions that can help you get there.

But it’s not enough.

Just sitting around on the couch playing mental movies while trying to raise your “vibrational frequency” might be enough to manifest a remote and a few reality TV shows to watch, but I doubt it’ll take you to some place greater than the couch.

I tried to tell that to Dane, without coming across like some kind of know-it-all—because I realize that just like the next guy, I really don’t know shit. And I didn’t want to butt into his business too much; that’s just not my style. Live and let fucking live, ya know. But I did at least try to open his mind up to what I felt was pretty obvious.

06C7E099-0A42-4152-98FE-A63BC1E2F523-w800-h600Yet he insisted that all he needed to do was continue to raise his frequency and he’d be set.

For Dane’s sake, I hope today he’s busy getting to work on his goals, and helping a ton of people along the way. I think next time I see him in the store I’ll go up and say “hi.”

“You will get all you want in life if you help enough other people get what they want.”

Zig Ziglar

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Talk soon,

Big Chris

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Comments

  1. Steve Hall says:

    So true big Chris. what you get in the world is proportional to how hard you are prepared to work for it and how many people you help along the way. Having a great mindset and being a positive person is fantastic but it don’t mean jack if you sit around on your ass doing nothing.

    Once again your capacity to write the truth on paper is exceptional

    • Chris McCombs Chris McCombs says:

      thanks Steve

      Yeah brother, taking action helping people is a HUGE part of the equation in my experience

  2. I agree with you Chris, I know people at both extremes… some people who just live from day to day with absolutely NO idea of where they want to be who dont spend any time visualising their future (Other than worry and fear) and then you have people who spend LOADS of time visualising doing alll this law of attraction stuff but never take any action (Ive been there myself…) For me the key is to have a clear vision of where you want to be , the more detail the better but then take action every day to move you towards it…and the other thing ive realised is that its a journey-not a destination – enjoy the ride along the way!
    You think Lebron has just stopped working, visualising and moving forward now he got his second ring?? Enjoy the victory for a minute but then set the next goal and get back on the journey…

    • Chris McCombs Chris McCombs says:

      Hey Jamie, yeah, definitely gotta enjoy the journey

      Finding that balance between focusing on what you want, and living in the present

      thanks for chiming in Jamie!

  3. Yo Big Chris,

    Loved what you said and agreed with a lot of it. I too follow the “law of attraction”
    I have been to some seminars on the stuff. One thing that I have been taught is that nothing comes if you wait for it alone, You need to take action.

    Have a great day and keep up the writing, you have inspired me to start my own blog.i

    • Chris McCombs Chris McCombs says:

      Oh hey Martin, so cool man

      I’m honored that somehow my blog has inspired you to start your own blog as well.

      You may enjoy these:

      The Impact Equation by Brogan and Smith

      And “The War of Art” and “Turning Pro” by Pressfield – GREAT books to read for anyone who blogs IMO

      thanks for kind words Martin

  4. OMG! Thank you so much for writing this… this is exactly how I feel about the Secret and LOA…. I’m with you, think positive and affirmative thoughts but get off your ass and hustle too! I’m sharing the shit out of this blog post!

  5. Chris.
    Thank you thank you thank you for writing this!! People get so caught up in success for themselves, that we completely forget that “work” and “serving others” is the secret ingredient that usually causes the growth, not some invisible Law of Attraction. I read the “The Secret”, and was disappointed in the lack of depth.
    So again, thank you so very much!!!

    Chantal

  6. Once again a great post Chris. I think it’s a mixture of “The Secret”/Zig Ziglar/Earl Nightingale that will produce the results. Another of Zig’s sayings I like is “”Positive thinking won’t let you do anything, but it will let you do everything better than negative thinking will.”

  7. Mathilda Moon says:

    Hi! I feel what you’re saying, but I never understood the Law of Attraction to involve only sitting around and thinking/feeling. In fact, I remember “The Secret” talking about following your intuition and trying new things. I might be incorrect, but it seems your friend might have misinterpreted the Law of Attraction?

    I’m not a fan of “The Secret” in general – a cheesy marketing ploy, but I do subscribe to the Law of Attraction.

    Quantum physics is the key, brother. Ain’t it crazy? I recommend “Dancing Wu Li Masters” if you ever feel like blowing your mind. Take care! :) :) :)

    • Chris McCombs Chris McCombs says:

      hey thanks Mathilda

      yeah, LOA is great coupled with action

      A lot of teachers of it teach that it’s enough on it’s own though – that everything will magically come to you

      And thanks for the book tip (=

  8. Hey Big Chris,

    Thank you for writing your blog. I have been following for a while now — and usually don’t chime in — but this post hit really close to home. I can see Dane’s story in my own. I always wanted more material shit in my life. I would meditate or visualize (fantasize) about all the things I would have. I still have a visual board outlining the life I want. I still meditate and visualize about my life. When the law of attraction wasn’t working for me, my visual board contained a bunch of useless junk like a big house, nice car, a bunch of other toys. They never came. Just as in Dane’s story I thought I wasn’t being positive enough, or didn’t believe I deserved it enough. So I would be more positive and happy, and more delusional.

    Then I had a paradigm shift. I was hoping for the wrong things. I was dreaming about the wrong things. I was visualizing the wrong things. I stopped visualizing about being happy in a big house. I stopped visualizing about being happy in a Ferrari. I stopped visualizing being happy with all the other bullshit on my board. The shift came when I realized I had a great life, house, and car already. Once I started believing I was happy with the things I had, then my life really changed. I was really happy, and my visual board changed from things to relationships. I put pictures of pictures of my mentors, people with happy marriages, my kids laughing. That’s what I really wanted. And I got it! I have my health, a great family, a great house, a nice car. Once I was happy with the things I had, the opportunity to have the things that were on my first board started coming into my life. I bought some of them, and they didn’t make me any happier than I already was. Sure I had a nicer watch, but I wasn’t any happier. It was like that bitch ex-girlfriend that dumped me, and I pined over for months, all over again. The minute I forgot about her, she would call. This works the same way. Once I was happy with where I was in life, and I moved forward with the things that came in to my life. I didn’t really do anything to have the nicer things in life. The law of attraction works. Things just came to me like in the law of attraction. I think is starts with appreciating what you already have in life, and then things will just come to me because I am not looking for them. At the end of the day, if you are happy with what you have, you have already won.

    I’m not as naïve to believe that the law just worked also. When I was happy with what I had, other things in my life changed. I stopped looking for the bigger, better deal, and I started living in the now. I concentrated on my job more, my relationships more; and that paid off by putting me in the now. And people want to be with people who live in the now. It is not easy to live in the now. My challenge every day is living in the now.

    Thanks for space for me to ramble,
    Ryan

    • I was going to chime in also….never have before….. but just read your ramble and I actually couldn’t have worded it more perfectly myself!! I have the experienced the same. Living in the now and appreciating what we have is everything. Great response Ryan… and love you Chris!!
      Leslie

      • Chris McCombs Chris McCombs says:

        Hey Leslie

        yeah the now is big

        I think Gratitude in the now is a great way to practice LOA

        along with thinking about what you want of course

        but living in the moment, without becoming too attached to the future ya know

        thanks Leslie

    • Chris McCombs Chris McCombs says:

      Hey thanks for chiming in Ryan

      yeah man, Gratitude and living the now, both HUGE

      happy you had the shift brother

  9. Hey Chris,

    I’ve really enjoyed your posts since my husband turned me on to your writing. I recently left my career where I was making a very healthy living to start and run a non-profit for under privileged families, where I make zero point zero zero dollars. But I feel more alive than ever. I just woke up one day, decided I had enough in my life and it was time to help others achieve the same. I have blogged about it: http://marnirenison.blogspot.com/2013/05/come-undone.html

    Would love to know you, like many others. Our philosophies are the same and sometimes this mindset is difficult to maintain without similar people around you. And I think you get that.

    In health,

    M

  10. Ahhh….dammit. My website is: http://www.thefitproject.org

    I’ve only had one cup of coffee. I need two to function.

  11. I agree with you Chris, that a whole lot of people seem to be allergic to good old fashion hard work nowadays. The reason this new age law of attraction philosophy has been readily adopted by so many, is because it supports the nonsensical notion that you do not need to put forth much effort to get what you feel you “deserve” in life.

    I believe in the power of the mind, but without adding action into the equation, it’s simply just mental farting. All the motivation I need to start each day comes from the immortal words of Conan the Barbarian: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6PQ6335puOc

    • Chris McCombs Chris McCombs says:

      ha ha, classic scene

      and “mental farting”

      that’s classic too brother

      never heard that one before

  12. “The Flaw of Attraction”… brilliant!

    Thanks for so clearly offering up a few of the missing ingredients to making LOA work, without bashing the whole idea. You continue to add incredible value to the world.

    My recipe: Be Grateful, Give More, Live More and recognize that it’s the “Law of attrACTION” that creates a kick ass life.

    • Chris McCombs Chris McCombs says:

      hey thanks Travis

      and this…

      “My recipe: Be Grateful, Give More, Live More and recognize that it’s the “Law of attrACTION” that creates a kick ass life”

      is AWESOME

  13. Myra Symons says:

    I appreciate you helping to clarify my thoughts on this topic. The way wisdom works for me, is when everyone is flipping out about the next great thing, I find I get this creepy feeling up my back. And a little troll says to me, well, that’s just stupid… and you’ve put a name to the stupidity, it is GOOD to know your goal and have a clear vision, but it is not enough. You must also have the means, determination and energy to get it done. I like the above poster who said his life got better when he started liking what he had and looking for what he REALLY wanted. Of course he worked for it. My Momma used to say “If wishes were horses then even beggars would ride” I’m getting to be the age where I’ve seen lots of fads come and go so I don’t buy in right away. My skepticism has helped me and hurt me a bit too, I’m sure. I really appreciate your putting a name to my creepy feeling. We do have to be focused, but meditating all day only works for monks who live in poverty on purpose. :)

    • Chris McCombs Chris McCombs says:

      Hey Myra

      I get a creepy feeling too

      and your mom definitely knew what she was talking about there

      thanks for chiming in (=

  14. Sylvie Fortin says:

    Thank you so much for saying this so eloquently! I am SO tired of people thinking that The Secret is all they need to be successful, while hardworking folks are actually making a difference every day. But that isn’t what pisses me off. If people want to believe they can get something for nothing, that is no different than what people have wanted forever.

    What pisses me off is when people blame themselves for attracting bad things. Like cancer. I mean seriously? How is this at all helpful!?

    I have breast cancer. I didn’t attract it with negative thinking. I’m the most positive person I have ever met. I fart rainbows, for god’s sake! Saying I could cure my cancer with happy thoughts is not only ridiculous, it is dangerous. Saying I attracted my cancer is just evil.

    I believe in the Law of Reaction. Simply stated…

    You have ZERO control over what happens to you. What you DO control is how you REACT to what happens to you.

    So, when bad stuff happens to you, fix it and move on. Don’t dwell on it.

    When good stuff happens to you, act on it, be happy, thank the person who did such a nice thing. And move on. Don’t dwell on it.

    • Chris McCombs Chris McCombs says:

      Hey Sylvie – very well said

      And yeah, along those same lines, it’s like little kids who get sexually abused, they didnt attract that shit ya know

      I totally hear you

      “You have ZERO control over what happens to you. What you DO control is how you REACT to what happens to you”

      So true

      Law of Reaction – love it

      thanks a ton for chiming in

      I used to get email coaching from your husband BTW

      gone through some of his courses too

      they helped my copywriting a TON

      (=

  15. Listen to the quite voice inside of you… trust your instincts… and take immediate ACTION… wait for nothing!

    When you do… the quite voice gets louder… your instincts become clearer… and taking action becomes easier, because it produces better and better results.

    What’s most interesting is when you start to do this; your view of the world changes. You’ll start to see how everything is connected and woven together… a glimpse behind the wizards curtain so to speak.

    It all starts with a question, and then listening to that inner voice, and respecting it by taking immediate action… especially during the times you think you know better… trust me none of us do!

    When I started practicing this, I completely transformed from being worried about every little detail of my life and how I would get something I wanted, into someone who saw that all things are possible and the universe is truly limitless… and all I have to do is have faith in my inner voice… and RESPECT it by taking action.

    Just Do It… your life will change it ways you can’t even imagine.

    My grandmother told me an old saying when I was still very young, and it’s the reason behind the process I’ve shared here. She said: If your prayers are you talking to GOD… then the little voice inside is GOD talking to you.

    Trust it, and take action… whatever it is, just do it.

    Paul

    P.S. Great post as always Chris.

    • Chris McCombs Chris McCombs says:

      YES YES YES

      thanks for sharing this Paul

      Love this btw:

      “Listen to the quite voice inside of you… trust your instincts… and take immediate ACTION… wait for nothing!

      When you do… the quite voice gets louder… your instincts become clearer… and taking action becomes easier, because it produces better and better results”

      great stuff, so true

  16. This was all great, BUT …. am I the only one disappointed that you avoided Dane in the grocery store when you saw him recently?! Damn, that would have made for a great epilogue.

    • Chris McCombs Chris McCombs says:

      ha ha

      I was hungry Billy

      And when I’m hungry, I think I just might be the most anti-social person in the world

      trust me, it’s best for all involved (=

  17. I love this post. I think I’m going to write one on the same topic. It reminds me of this Dan Millman post http://nexusnovel.wordpress.com/2007/08/25/on-the-secret/

  18. Chris, great post about clarifying how to use the law of attraction. I was into all of this stuff too, but never thought that you could just sit on your ass and manifest it all from thin air. Of course, the Secret did make it sort of seem like that though.

    Fortunately, I realized that without the ACTION part… nothing was really going to happen. I’ve totally attracted some great things into my life… maybe not the millions and sports cars yet, but plenty to be grateful about. And I know I will “attract” those things when I up my game and started hustling more like you said. Yet, at this point.. hardcore happiness and doing what I love is more important than money and material objects.

    I definitely believe in the power of positive thinking, visualization, affirmations and even the law of attraction… being that everything originates with your beliefs, thoughts and feelings… however those 3 things are the PRECURSORS to ACTION and like you said helping others and adding value to their lives. Great job at pointing out the rest of the equation to Success.

    • Chris McCombs Chris McCombs says:

      Hey thanks Brandon

      and yeah man, I think positive thoughts and feelings are super important

      and i still visualize for sure

      I’d actually be better to do more of it

      But yeah, gotta have the action – and the beliefs, thoughts and feeling and definitely precursors

  19. “All that you need, and all that you want, will be provided to you once you decide what you want, and do something about it everyday”

    I think that’s the biggest flaw people have with the law of attraction, it’s easy to decide what you want (most of the time), but only a small minority of people actually do something every day to achieve it.

    Good post Chris, it’s a real eye opener and I know i definitely needed this about the same time 1 year ago!

  20. Hey Chris whats up man? Great post

    I agree with the premise that the Secret threw a lot of people way off board because they missed out vital ‘ingredients’ to make it work for them.

    I look a slghtly different way though…

    I think the big cock up that most personal development teachings make is the focus on desires over beleif.

    I think that in life we dont get what we want.

    We get what we beleive.

    So many people are putting out thoughts of what they want – these huge dreams, li your friend and his bllions.

    Yet if you dont beleive it’ll actually happen then you’re putting out conflicting thoughts.

    Im all for setting big goals dnnt get me wrong, but I think thebest goals are those you have a high desire AND a high beleif for – as you reach those smaller goals your beleif, confidence, and ultimately desires wll all grow.

    Most of us dont know what the fuck we really want – because our desires are LIMITED by our current ceiling of belief.

    The other thing believe the secret was a bit of let down was that there was sooo much focus on material things such as the money, car, jewellery etc. Nothing wrong with that stuff at all – only having a big attachment of happiness to it is gona hit you one day!

    The film had a chance to remind people to focus on attracting feelings of strong confidence, belief and love towards each other, which would ultimately bring us more of what we want (likeyou said – getting people what THEY want will make you happy) – i think the film missed the mark there and sent everyone off thinking about how they could help themselves and no one else

    Great read man as usual

    Justin

    • Chris McCombs Chris McCombs says:

      Hey right on Justin, yeah man, I hear ya 100%

      and damn, some of those beliefs are DEEP in our psyche since we were 5 years old

      those fuckers really do run the show ya know

      and yeah, helping others is key

      thanks for sharing J

  21. Ok, Chris I have to admit that I was ‘Dane’ myself when I first discovered personal development and got turned on to The Secret.

    And, yeah it made me feel all warm & fuzzy to think of all the dreams I had coming true but the power of positive thinking alone didn’t deliver my dreams to me.

    It does take work…

    …I like how Joe Vitale talks about taking inspired action.

    And, I believe 100% in what you say about helping others along the way. I’m a big believer in that although it took a long time to get it through my thick skull.

    I’ve created a motto to constantly remind myself of the importance of bringing value to the lives of others:

    ‘You receive in direct proportion that with which value you give’

    Whatever you seek in life, first give it away…When you do you keep the gateway open for what you want to come into your life.

    When you seek to get without giving you close that gateway and become a hoarder. You try desperately to hold onto what little you have and yet you can’t help but lose it because you strangle the flow of that source.

    I can’t even tell you how giving just a little always brings more back into my life whether it’s money, food, a book or a sensitive ear to listen to somebody when they need it just to show them they matter.

    Great post here Chris :)

    • Chris McCombs Chris McCombs says:

      yes yes yes Kevin

      it comes back so many times over… weird that so many of us, myself included it, resist doing it every chance we get

      But the proof is there, I’ve seen it on my own life over and over and over

      GREAT MOTTO btw

      “You receive in direct proportion that with which value you give”

  22. Hey Chris-

    Loved this! I was at one of Brendan Burchards events last weekend and the mantra of the entire event was ‘If you want it, you gotta WORK for it’. It was great to hear him emphasize WORK and get the crowd to basically chant the word ‘work’ . I’ve been a health and fitness professional for over 20 years and a life coach for 12 years and what I’ve observed is that a lot of people really don’t want to do the WORK needed to transform their body, their health or their life. They say they want to, but they don’t. As simple as that. Work is, well…. work! It’s frickin hard ! The work has to be both mindset (as in the LOA teachings) AND physical work. Not one or the other. Both. The underlying issue as to why people don’t want to do the work is what needs to be addressed. Anyhow- I loved your article as so many others here. Great work, and keep on, brother!

    • Chris McCombs Chris McCombs says:

      Hey thanks Lisa

      I love Brendon’s stuff, he’s so dynamic live isn’t he?

      And yeah, gotta work, it’s key

      the LOA stuff can be great, but without work it’s pretty useless

  23. You have to have a goal and work towards that goal or none of it will mean jack…great blog

  24. hi Chris, I’ve achieved 2 large goals that paid handsomely, I had a tonne of debt too…so after each win Id go backwards. I plan a round three but this time Im going super slow, doing tapping along the way so this time around I am able to do some good things for my future w the $$$.
    Thanks, great blog:-)

  25. Finally another blogger that takes a no BS approach to personal development. I have to say I attracted your blog to me. I stumbled upon it by searching for something else but it’s exactly what I was looking for. That being said, noticed I took action by actually searching the web. I didn’t just visualize finding a blog like this. ;)

    I totally agree with you man. I think this is why personal development gets a bad rap. The secret does suggest taking action but it just doesn’t spend enough time on it in the movie. So I think that’s a common misconception but I could see why people would easily miss the references of taking action.

    At the end of the day, yes you need to change your mindset. Without doing this you won’t see the opportunities around you and obviously you won’t take action which is the key to getting where you want to be. So I understand why there is so much emphasis on the thought process but more of these self development programs need to discuss the action part in greater detail than a mere mention of it here and there.

    The reason they probably don’t like spending so much time on it is that it will probably scare away some people who are allergic to action, hard work and all that other good shit that is required to make it happen. But I would think people would have enough common sense to realize that sitting on your ass all day with kumbaya thoughts isn’t enough. Clearly that’s not the case since people look at you as if you smacked the crap out of a baby if you tell them you read self help books. I recently wrote an article about that to address the potential hating friends and co-workers that will discover that I’ve started a blog about personal development.

    Honestly we just need more guys like you that can break this stuff down in a real way so it appeals to the masses who tend to be cynics. So I’m happy to find your blog and plan to share it as I build my own audience since we have similar styles.

    Great job Chris! You have a new subscriber and follower!

    Eddy

    • Chris McCombs Chris McCombs says:

      hey thanks Eddy, looks like you’re doing some cool stuff with your blog their man

      THIS:

      “But I would think people would have enough common sense to realize that sitting on your ass all day with kumbaya thoughts isn’t enough”

      is pretty funny man

      keep spreading the good word out there man

      you have a lot of great stuff to say

  26. Personally, I think Dane and Chris are the same person

  27. Today, I went to the beach front with my children. I found a sea shell and
    gave it to my 4 year old daughter and said “You can hear the ocean if you put this to your ear.” She placed the shell to
    her ear and screamed. There was a hermit crab inside
    and iit pinched her ear. She never wants to
    go back! LoL I know this iis totally offf topic but I had tto tell someone!

  28. I wonder how many other times Dane ignored “you need to take action” nudges.

  29. I’ve attended LOA presentations. The participants were predominantly Dales and Peddlers. Dales are like your guy, they talk the talk but it’s tranparent. And the Peddlers spout the bull.

  30. If you can get past the delivery, Jerry and Esther Hicks, “Ask And It Is Given” has a variety of useful techniques for finding relief from negative thinking. My favorite so far of their books that I’ve read.

  31. Like the devil, I like to quote a little scripture now and then, “faith without works (action) is dead.”

  32. OK I read through,and like your attitude. lemme share,from both sides,and pragmatic person,and also a visionary
    dreamer. I tried ( and so did my friend) to experiment with the “law of attraction” backwards! We both got mad
    around the same week,and threatened “F** you universe! and guess what? lol…..it worked and we both got our $$ goal.
    so we deduced,that PASSION+action+ belief conquer up results,whether negative/[positive..did not matter
    cause CAUSE=AFFECT is a law under the quantum field theory. ENERGY is the matter which on earth governs this
    matrix called life. God/Devil also works. just one makes you eat “poop” and the other “bread,and wine” .
    hope that’s not too graphic. OK,back to reality,all the principals “apon” the energy matrix will “result’ in some form
    of result. why does it not work for most people…LOW ENERGY,OR STRESS soul vibrations. they have the secret “story” right
    but its VERY superficial..and yes…great marketing! but shady…I feel its important if anyone reads this..to shape there energetic
    chakra,and body systems equally,and meditation also. simple is simple. ps: thanks for making a great blog!

  33. Focault says:

    What does science tell about the Law of Attraction? It tells that LoA doesn’t work. Do you need a proof by scientific evidence? Read this:

    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/vanessa-van-edwards/law-of-attraction_b_2082921.html
    http://www.heatherkappes.com/?page_id=68
    http://youarenotsosmart.com/2010/06/23/confirmation-bias/

    Just let scientists make their own work. For the sake of the truth, for the evolution of both our specie and our culture,please, don’t mix science with mystical woo.

    I will always save my emotions. i’ll never force myself to think positive. I don’t need it. I’ve always earnt from my mistakes and sometimes even sufference was a useful tool for improving my life. I’ll never set someone aside because of negative thinking. I won’t fear to be contaminated by negative thinking, but I’ll listen people and I’ll try to offer my help.

    I don’t program my brain like a robot, but I just use my heart, in a natural manner. How dare can we struggle for discovering the right way to use LoA, while so many people are starving? Don’t be selfish. If we think that LoA is useful, then let’s try to use it for understanding ourselves instead of wishing a new car. My life is wonderful, my wishes are normal. Friends, I don’t need LoA at all.

    Jerry Hicks passed away because of cancer. Although he believed in LoA he used the mainstream medicine for trying to heal. Why? Perhaps because several people used LoA and died faster then the ones who used the mainstream medicine (eg. Kim Tinkham). Do we still think that using LoA is a good and rensponsible advise? When it is useful? When it isn’t? Do we feel rensponsible when we advise people to use LoA? Are we really offering a good service to humanity?

    If LoA was real, then presidents of the many countries would have used it to rocket bombs one against another. Humanity would not be ready to use such a powerful tool named LoA. Instead I believe that LoA is a snake oil sold for satisfying the shallow wishes of a spoiled and lazy middle class.

    Regards

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