True Confessions of My Double Life - Chris McCombs
Chris McCombs
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True Confessions of My Double Life

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A78C7E7F-D636-490F-8005-3FB9B190CF93-w800-h600I’ll just come right out and say it. I’ve been leading a double life.

One is the life of Chris…

It’s a life of goals, dreams, drama, money, position, status, comparison, possessions, people, appearance, to-do lists, accomplishments, paychecks, bills, taxes, lawyers, heartaches, conquests, let-downs, judgments, expectations, handshakes, stress, smiles, frills, frowns, flaws, fun and the occasional flat tire…

It’s a life of more… more more more and gimme some fucking more.

Better than you. Worse than you. What you have. What I don’t. What I want and how I’m gonna get it.

It’s a life both wonderful and tragic.

There are times in this life when everything just seems to go my way without even the slightest bit of effort… where everything is mine for the taking and the taking is EASY.

Ahhh… gotta love the good times.

HOWEVER… there are other times when this life clearly has it in for me and makes no bones about it.

Where it beats me down so bad I wonder how the heck I’m ever gonna make it out alive. When the steel-toed boots of the world keep kicking me in the side so hard I can feel my bones snap and taste the internal bleeding as I gasp for air. I think that last blow may have ruptured my spleen. Damn… not good.

In this life I can be both the man…. and a total piece of shit… in the same hour.

Some days I set the world on fire.

And some days the world itself grins at me in delight as it watches me burn.

That first life, the life of Chris, is the life of mind, world, and ego. Of me, you, and them. Of tomorrow and yesterday. Of then and there.

And then there’s my other life…

A life less tangible, but every bit as real. In fact, it’s even more real… it’s just harder to see. Because this is the life that actually does the seeing.

I can’t take a picture of it, share it in a YouTube video, or put it up on my Facebook wall.

But it’s always right here.

This is the life is where the heart lives.

It’s the life of here and now.

It’s a life of total peace and total perfection.

A life where nothing ever goes wrong. In fact, no “thing” even exists in this life except existence itself.

And all I gotta do to find this life is turn within.

These two parallel lives co-exist with each other on a daily basis.

The inner life and the outer life.

The outer life can be amazing, and a total fucking let down. Like I said, it’s pretty much hit or miss.

And while the outer life can be a fun place to hang out and do some cool stuff, I’ve found the inner life is a much better place to take off my coat, kick off my shoes and make myself at home.

The inner life is consistent and can be relied upon, especially when the outer life falls apart.

It’s a life of love, freedom, and understanding.

And no matter crazy the outside life gets, the inner life is always here.

Always here, always now… all it takes is recognizing it in the moment.

It’s been my experience that life is best lived with a foot in both worlds.

Easier said than done sometimes, but fortunately there are some simple ways to do this.

Some of the best ways are…

– Focusing on the present moment.

– Accepting the outer life 100% completely as it is. This one is HUGE. No matter what’s going on in the outer life, accepting it takes you directly to the inner life.

– Focusing on the Inner Being. The vast emptiness inside. The place beyond the mind, where Awareness lives. Not a place of thought, but the place that’s aware of the thoughts.

– Watching your thoughts

– Giving complete attention to any one of the 5 senses

– Completely immersing yourself in work you love

– Meditation

– Intense physical exercise

– Sports that force you into the moment – Surfing, extreme sports, etc.

– Art/Creative practices or hobbies

The outer life of people, places, things and situations can be awesome sometimes… and sometimes it can downright suck.

Part of its nature is for it to be different from how we want it to be. Sometimes it just doesn’t wanna see eye to eye with us. We want it to be one way, and it wants to be another.

Constantly trying to the control the outer life and arguing with it is a surefire path to misery. There’s no way to arrange it just right to where we can find happiness in it. The puzzle just doesn’t fit together that way. There will always be broken pieces, missing pieces, and extra pieces we don’t want.

But that’s how it’s designed.

It’s designed to frustrate the living shit out of us so we can seek happiness and fulfillment elsewhere.

It’s designed to beat us down so we can grow and evolve. It’s designed to break our fucking heart so we’ll cry out for something greater…. something greater than can be seen with the eyes, touched by the hand, put in a bank account, or placed on a trophy case.

The reason the outer life doesn’t always go our way is so that we’ll turn to the inner life… and maybe even to something much greater than just our “selves”… with our status, possessions, name and serial number.

And the turning in… well, it’s a beautiful fucking thing.

Talk soon,

Big Chris

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38 comments
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Ryan says October 4, 2013

Double edged sword. I feel you Chris. At times you are at peace with things and at acceptance. Other times, like you said the ugliness comes out. Part of being human. And none the less a grown man with hot blood pumping and muscle churning…. Good Read.

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    Chris McCombs
    Chris McCombs says October 7, 2013

    thanks Ryan

    yep, the ugliness comes with being human, that’s for sure

    Awareness, Acceptance and a willingness to learn and grow are HUGE ways to clean it up

    Reply
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Laurel says October 5, 2013

Beautiful. Can’t say more.

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    Chris McCombs
    Chris McCombs says October 7, 2013

    thx laurel!

    Reply
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Ruslan says October 5, 2013

Chris look up a movie called ‘The Shift’ by Dr. Dyer, it’ll blow your mind.

Looks like you’re making ‘the shift’.
Starting to differentiate between the difference of wha the EGO wants and what the heart desires.
We all go through these dualities of seeing life through the artificial EGOec mind but neglect the heart, eventually returning to our essence which is the heart, soul, higher self or whatever/however we may identify with it, which knows nothing but love, joy, unity and wholeness in all that is.

Duality between the two parts of who we are is part of human nature, part of the gig, the key imo is to integrate the two – Buddha said that in order to know what you want in ife you must first endure what you don’t want. So the essence of living through the EGO surveys a purpose of significant value – eventually bringing us back to the deepest core or our beigness!

cools post man!

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    Chris McCombs
    Chris McCombs says October 7, 2013

    right on Rusian

    love Dyer

    checked out part of the movie

    definitely looks like something I wanna watch

    thanks for the words and tip on the movie

    gotta love Dyer

    Reply
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Adam A says October 5, 2013

Hey Chris,

Wow what an amazing post. This could not have come at a better time for me. Thanks for speaking to those like me who battle this contrast daily. Very glad i received this email tonight.

thank you,
Adam A.

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    Chris McCombs
    Chris McCombs says October 7, 2013

    glad it helped Adam

    Reply
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Jarett says October 5, 2013

No telling how many times this dude has saved my life…. Every time im about to go to “fuck-it land”, chris randomly pops up in my email at the perfect time!!!! The inner self can not be underestimated, this outter world and ego we are equipt with although good in some ways, but will fucking eat you alive if have a weak relationship with you inner self, even though i know these things, its still a constant everyday battle, but gets easier with practice!!!! Chris!!!!! You are killin it bro!!!!!!

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    Chris McCombs
    Chris McCombs says October 7, 2013

    damn thanks Jarett

    these words mean a lot

    and yeah, gotta keep the relationship with the inner self STRONG

    the outer life is so just so much better that way

    SOOOO much better

    especially the way we deal with it, takes away a lot of the power of the tough stuff we go through

    Reply
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Matt says October 5, 2013

Thanks again Chris for another awesome post! Your the only cat I know that formats your life’s experiences in a way that relates to mine. BIG UPS!!!! Thanks for doing what you do!!

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    Chris McCombs
    Chris McCombs says October 7, 2013

    hey right on Matt, glad it speaks to you

    So so glad

    Reply
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Jason says October 5, 2013

You always speak from the heart and deliver some inspiring and very relate-able messages. This is some good shit!
J

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    Chris McCombs
    Chris McCombs says October 7, 2013

    thanks Jason!

    yeah, my heart has a lot better stuff to say than my mind (=

    Reply
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Mikr says October 5, 2013

I have always lived a double life! You just told my life story!!!! THANKS

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    Chris McCombs
    Chris McCombs says October 7, 2013

    so cool

    Reply
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Kevin says October 5, 2013

Very well said, and appreciated.

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    Chris McCombs
    Chris McCombs says October 7, 2013

    you’re welcome Kevin, I appreciate your words – true story

    Reply
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Albert says October 6, 2013

One of my favorite post by far. I think we all somehow live a double life. Excellent job as always! Just keep it up bro!

Albert

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    Chris McCombs
    Chris McCombs says October 7, 2013

    thank you Albert and will do!

    Reply
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Aileen says October 6, 2013

Dude. I feel everything you say. As does my dude who is dealing with gnarly health shit (gout-look it up) and unemployment while showing up for Job interviews with a limp, and getting the immediate toss. Whatcha got for him? He’d work out hard if he wasn’t in insane pain. Note: he recently had cortisone shots in his back for extruded discs that when unnoticed for years, because pain is something a dude just deals with. :/

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    Chris McCombs
    Chris McCombs says October 7, 2013

    Hey Alleen, I don’t know anything about your path

    I do know that people of all walks of life with all kinds of problems, many much larger than mine or yours, find peace within and are able to learn, grow and turn things into something greater

    it’s all within you Alleen

    Reply
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Mel says October 6, 2013

yeah I agree watch “The shift” 2 hrs so worth spending. it has taken me on a journey and there’s no turning back or even a desire to look back. EGO becomes so loud when you do more inner work. But EGO will always be a part of us so I treat it well. Kind of like being born with a split eye or something unusual…not much you can do but learn to love it:-)
Love your insights
Mel:-)

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    Chris McCombs
    Chris McCombs says October 7, 2013

    yeah Mel, my ego can be a mofo

    so good to step back and see it for what it is more and more ya know

    Reply
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Gary Maggio says October 7, 2013

Chris, right on dude. I can relate. The illusion of more, more , more can lead to a ton of misery. Nice things are all good, however, to sacrifice the pursuit of inner peace and a spiritual path for things and flash in the pan experiences as our go to value..well I think experience shows that is a waste of the most precious asset we have. Time

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    Chris McCombs
    Chris McCombs says October 7, 2013

    yes yes yes

    I couldn’t agree more Gary

    Reply
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Shawn Phillips says October 7, 2013

Big Chris,

Well done, well said, as always. Yes, I think this is the purpose of this existence; to help guide us home to ourselves. Regardless of how great things are going or how crappy they are, you’re still revolving around and around… until you stop.

We are like donkey’s on a rope, going around a pole… we go around, around… digging a deep rut… the rope can fall off but we are just going around. Half the circle is GREAT! We’re rockin… ha;f SUCKS.. and we get our asses kicked.

But only when we stop and walk over to the pole, and address the center of what we’ve been running from are we or can we be free.

We all have it.. some just don’t know it.

Here’s to the stuff of life. THanks.

Shawn

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    Chris McCombs
    Chris McCombs says October 7, 2013

    hey brother Shawn, thanks for sharing this man

    yeah man, gotta get to the center, the center that’s been here all along! (=

    hope you’re doing good my friend

    Reply
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Rita says October 7, 2013

Chris…this is perfect. I kept waiting for you to give me the answer tho…how one keeps themselves in the inner life. the magic answer on how best to do that. for me, I can see one of the main things is practice not taking anything personally. boy that sure would free me up a lot. And the second…just keep loving. even when it seems like a bad idea. just keep loving.

thanks for writing this.

as i got about half way through the words that popped into my mind were “will you marry me?” 🙂 feel free to send me a private message with your response. (I’m only half kidding).

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    Chris McCombs
    Chris McCombs says October 7, 2013

    Ha ha – thanks Rita

    your words mean a lot

    looks like you’re doing cool stuff with your blog

    Yeah …

    Not taking things personal

    and loving

    what more is there to say ya know

    that’s the real deal right there

    Reply
Chris McCombs
Chris McCombs says October 7, 2013

hey right on Joe

so cool you got the band thing going on – sooooo cool

( checked out your site)

LOVE THIS BTW:

I recently embraced to concept of being broken as a good thing. ya know, people are like ‘*sob sob, i’m broken, woe is me..’ but being broken allows for flexibility; to shift and adapt. Another metaphor for the ‘be like water’ thing. This is going in my back pocket of emotional tools to rely on.

thanks for sharing man

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Dom says October 8, 2013

Nice one Chris, great post. Your very right; often in life we have to turn the ‘Poison’ that’s in our outer life (ego attitude, hunger, wanting ) into the medicine for our inner life so that we can grow as human beings and flourish.
keep up the GREAT work bro.

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    Chris McCombs
    Chris McCombs says October 25, 2013

    hey thanks Dom

    Reply
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Jamie Stone says October 10, 2013

Thanks Chris, my ‘outer life’ has been pretty busy the last 3 weeks and ive missed your last couple of posts so just catching up and I LOVED this one…prefect timing for me to remind me to spend more time in the inner life… P.S. I think it’s awesome that you read and respond to everyone’s comments, really cool.

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    Chris McCombs
    Chris McCombs says October 25, 2013

    hey thanks Jamie, appreciate it

    been hard to respond to all the comments lately

    they mean SOOO much to me, but I’m falling behind on a few other posts cuz I’ve been so busy

    doing my best (=

    Reply
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Dee says October 18, 2013

Chris…sooooo basically you’re saying turn inward to what or whom exactly?

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    Chris McCombs
    Chris McCombs says October 25, 2013

    turn in and find out for yourself (=

    Reply
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Elle says October 26, 2013

Great article! Everyone could be so much happier if they just learned to live life this way! Thanks!

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